10/27/10

I am working on numerous things. A lot of things. It's an overwhelming amount of stuff to process, but I am needing to slow it down a notch. So many things I did this week where I could have just let it be. I am working on myself right now, I have much to surrender to God, my will mainly. I need to let it be with God, because the migraine I got today was a big reminder that I can't do it...not even with people, only with God in the situation can I do anything.
The message I heard today from bilingual chapel really spoke to me. I usually drown my mind away on facebook, but the humility the pastor had while he spoke got me to listen to his heart. I am so used to fabricating messages, and his genuine heart broke through my complacency.  It brought me back to the times I felt so hopeless in myself not being special to serve the kingdom. The pastor brought me to remember the time where I believed and stepped into an overwhelming pure joy of knowing how much God wanted me, loved me, much more than I thought. I remembered how I met God when I was 16, as a forgiving, redeeming lover of my soul. He took care of me, comforted me when I needed it the most, and the memories awoke my longing for that relationship again.
I am now in my room, waiting to go to sleep, but not in the same way I did before. I am not going to go to sleep afraid, angry, or doubtful. I am going to bed faithful, hopeful, redeemed for eternity.